Communication is one of the most important aspects of a marriage. There are many things in life that a husband and wife must, and should, talk about. The Bible says that when a man and woman marry, they become one. One flesh designed to work together as a team, not against each other. I don’t think there is anything I have not shared with my husband, Chris. The good and the bad, the smiles and the tears, it’s all out there between us and we talk about it.
Chris and I take time to regularly communicate. If we do get off work at the same time, we commute home together. The conversation between us is usually lively and we’re sharing funny anecdotes from our day at work or sharing a struggle from the day. Some days we are tired and our goal is to just get home. If we don’t get off work at the same time, we share with each other when we are both home cooking dinner together. Those daily conversations don’t usually go too deep and are more focused on daily life communication.
Our open communication became more obvious to me at the height of the Christmas season. And it became difficult because I kept having to remind myself NOT to communicate. Wait….what? You see, Chris and I don’t usually exchange Christmas presents. But this year we both had the day off together and thought it would be fun to exchange presents. It was fun and exciting finding gifts and wrapping them up. But like most people who exchange presents probably experience, there was some difficulty and more delay than anticipated in receiving some of the gifts so we could then wrap them and place them under the tree. There were some things that went amazingly well. As each experience occurred, I found myself wanting to tell Chris all about it. In fact, “Ooooh, I can’t wait to tell Chris”, would cross my mind and then I would remember that I couldn’t tell him.
So I got to thinking about communication and how important it is in a relationship. It’s not just talking about your daily lives with one another, it’s about sharing your hopes and your dreams, or your doubts and uncertainties. Communication is sharing your feelings, discussing the strengths of your marriage and the areas in which you wish to improve. Praying together as a couple brings you closer to one another and is a way of communicating with one another.
You may be thinking, okay, but when do I find time to communicate? I have to work, make dinner, take care of the kids, etc. I know everyone has a lot going on in their lives. This is why it is so very important to find intentional time to communicate. Chris and I have great conversations on the chairlift when we are out snowboarding, in the car while running errands (we do have to drive 45 minutes one way for shopping centers), early morning coffee before work or on a day off, while out for a hike or walk. Even as I write this I’m brainstorming other times when we could talk.
Chris and I had to learn how to best communicate with one another. We have different communication styles and we had to learn them and adapt. We each had to be understanding of the other and not be solely focused ourselves. Chris is the talkative one who can go on forever without a break. I am a processor and I often need time to think before I can respond or share an idea. We learned this about each other early in our marriage when we were struggling to communicate. I am now comfortable asking Chris to pause and let me think, and Chris is patient to give me however long I need to do that. It’s important to remember that communication involves more than one person, each of whom have thoughts, ideas, and feelings. I challenge you to find regular time each week to share with your spouse. I know it will bring you closer together and strengthen your marriage.
“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” – Ephesians 4:29
Beyond The I Do 
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